When did the madness begin? We often ask when we discover a situation that has spun out of control. For me, it began with one little brass swan, delicate yet substantial, her head dipped in elegant repose.
I couldn’t wait to get her cleaned up. So I bought a special polish, and I went to work. After my fingers had gotten a good workout, rubbing and rubbing and rubbing that little swan, she shone proudly, perched on a shelf. Although there was a bit of damage on one side of her, I placed her with the damaged side toward the wall, and she seemed happy in her new home.
Over the next couple years, I would add more brass friends to my collection – more swans, a darling pair of chubby goldfish, silly frogs under an umbrella, a dignified quail couple, a devoted mother giraffe watching over her baby, a slightly dastardly mouse, a cheerful cricket. I was drawn to the fact that most of them were made before I was even born and will still be here after I’m gone. It seemed to give me a sense of stability in a time in my life that felt – well, quite wonky.
Transitions are always a bit awkward, a bit sad, a bit discombobulating. For me, none has been more so than the entire decade of my 40s so far. I was not prepared for this. It just hit me like a wave, and every time I fought to come back up and to breathe, more waves crashed over top of me, leaving me gasping for air, desperate for hope.
Glancing in the mirror, not even recognizing the crone staring back at me. When did I get these dark circles under my eyes? What has happened to my neck? Why do I have an endless supply of tears but am completely devoid of energy? Why does nothing seem fun anymore? What is up with my body?
But with these little brass figures, I could spot a special one, bring it home, and clean it up. A little polish, a bit of elbow grease, and these figures were stunning. I wondered if cleaning them up made me feel more productive than trying to fix my own signs of aging. I figured that was likely the case.
So every time I would purchase a brass figure on Etsy, I would take a before and after picture to share along with my review. Look how old this looked when I received it in the mail, and then . . . See how it now shines with a youthful luster! We modern humans just love our befores and afters, don’t we?
Life became a battleground as I warred against time. It seemed I was constantly plucking this and concealing that. I tried new eye creams and deodorants. I loofah-ed and masked and scrubbed myself in a desperate attempt to feel beautiful again. I even gave in to that one makeup line that boasts of being made especially for “mature skin.” It did nothing for me, save empty my wallet and make me look like I had a sunburn.
One day, I was on Etsy, looking at a pair of small brass owls. And I read the description: never been polished, beautiful patina. And I thought, when I look at this couple of owls, I can see that they have lovely details. I can envision how charming they will look sitting on top of a stack of books on my dresser.
But in my mind, I couldn’t wait to take a little polish to them. How much better would they look with all of the patina gone, I wondered. And I did polish them once they arrived in the mail. And they looked flawless for a time.
However, as my brass menagerie has grown, I have learned to appreciate the patina. It adds character. There’s a warmth to that patina, a depth. It proves that they have been here a while. And, I’d like to think, there’s something to say about that. In a world of cheap, easily broken, mass-produced little toys and decor, these brass figures are heavy. They have weight. Stability. Presence. And if they were capable of it, I think they would also have wisdom to share with those who have been on the earth less time than they have.
I’ve always loved Psalm 92:12-15: The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”
I want to stay fresh and green, although this doesn’t necessarily mean I will look young. But these verses do tell us that we can flourish and bear fruit in our advanced years. We can stay fresh and green. How can we do this? By believing in a God who always does what is right. In a God who is completely good.
What we see in this culture as we age is all of the things we think need to be fixed, hidden, placed toward the wall. We need to have cosmetic work done here and there. We need to abolish the gray and buy expensive cream for our wrinkles and impress everyone with how youthful we look. And we can choose for ourselves how much polish and elbow grease we are willing to spend or exert on our appearance.
But let us also consider the beauty of age. The Proverbs 31 woman who can laugh at the days to come. Do you remember being young and out into the world for the first time? Yes, we were lovely by the world’s standards, we were excited for what lay ahead. But it was also such a frightening time because we hadn’t learned those lessons that only come by experience. Those who can laugh at the days to come have learned firsthand the faithfulness of the One who holds the future.
Merriam-Webster includes this as a definition of patina: a surface appearance of something grown beautiful especially with age or use.
Someone once said, “Midlife is just becoming who you were at 15 again, but loving her this time.” My brass lovelies get a new chance at life in my home, and I get a second chance at accepting myself. And there’s also this quote: “Midlife is not about fixing your body. It’s about finally feeling at home in it.”
Middle-aged and older ladies, rejoice! Beyond the shine and glow of youth, we can still live lives of hope. We can be at home in our bodies. We can be comfortable with who we are, and that will bring hope to others. We can learn to appreciate our layers of patina because we can cultivate true beauty everywhere we go by bringing depth, wisdom, compassion, warmth, and kindness. And yes, a bit of wild joy that comes when you have nothing to prove and everything to give.
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