You don’t have to want to

It’s the constant refrain of young children (and also not-so-young adults more than we care to admit): “But I don’t WANT to!”

I don’t want to go in to work today.

I don’t want to deal with this difficult person or situation yet again.

You mean my family expects dinner again? Didn’t I just finish cleaning up from last night’s dinner? I just don’t want to cook. I don’t want to clean.

I don’t want to. We say it like it matters. Like, okay, well, if you really don’t want to do it, you don’t have to.

But life doesn’t work that way, does it? That’s why my wise mother had a favorite saying. Whenever any of us four kids were given a command and thus voiced our opinion of “but I don’t want to,” Mom didn’t sigh. She didn’t roll her eyes. She didn’t get flustered or raise her voice. She simply responded with both grace and truth: “You don’t have to WANT to. You just have to do it.”

It’s such fun these days to pass on the gift of my mother’s wisdom, to share this saying with others because you watch their faces at first. Especially kids. You can tell they are trying it out, rolling it around in their heads. “You don’t have to want to.” They know it means something, but they don’t get it at first. They keep repeating, “But I don’t want to.”

And when it finally dawns on them, they realize that it’s okay to feel the way they feel, but they will still need to obey the command and perform the task at hand.

Funny thing is, the way I first felt upon hearing this tidbit of mom’s wisdom is also the way I once felt about the words of the father to the older son in Luke 15.

The prodigal son is probably one of the most beloved parables Jesus told, and it is the story of a man with two sons. The younger one decides he wants his inheritance right away, and he tells his father this. So the father actually complies with this request, and his younger son goes away and squanders all of his inheritance. After losing it all, the prodigal son comes home, resigned to just be a servant in his father’s house.

Verse 20 tells us:  And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.

His father welcomes him back with open arms. Verses 22-24 tell us:  But the father said to his servants, “Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.” And they began to celebrate.

I love these verses. I have never had a problem with them. They are lovely, gracious, beautiful, inspirational. But then we meet the older son – the good son, the one who stayed when leaving would have been more exciting, the one who lived with integrity, the one who has been steadfast and reliable and obedient to his father.

And he is (understandably) upset. After he comes in from working in the field (where he has served faithfully while his brother has been out living it up), he hears music from the party. 

But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, “Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!” 

And he said to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found” (Luke 15:28-32).

I never had a problem with the father welcoming the prodigal son back. I loved that aspect of the story. But I felt that the father’s response to his older son was somehow lacking. Now, I realize that Jesus is the one telling the story, and obviously if Jesus is saying something that I don’t understand, I am the one in the wrong – not Him.

Perhaps I wanted the father to agree to also throw a party for the older son? Or to make a big deal out of him somehow? After all, he has done the right thing. He has done the noble thing. Why not highlight him in some way to appreciate him?

But what I, in my humanity, failed to understand, is that what the father tells the older son is amazing. It’s incredible. It is more than enough. What I can see now is that the father is recognizing the relationship he shares with his older son, the fact that he has been a faithful son, but also the fact that the father would never forget either of his sons. 

That, even while celebrating the lost son who is now found, the father acknowledges that his older son is always with him, always on his mind. Always on his heart, too. He hasn’t forgotten the sacrifices his older son has made, the good decisions that have made his Papa heart proud. These have not gone unnoticed. 

And all that he has is now his older son’s. He will have his inheritance in good time, but also his father’s heart, his father’s love. His father’s admiration. What more can he ask for? 

For those who are in a season of suffering or injustice, I think this speaks to us as well. Situations may not turn out in the way that we want them to or believe they should, but as believers in Christ, we do have a God who says to us essentially what the father in this parable says to his older son:

“You are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.”

We have His promise that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), and the spiritual blessings we have in Christ are – well, they are overwhelming, when we think about it. 

The book of Ephesians is filled with these spiritual blessings, and one of my favorite passages is Ephesians 3:16-21 – That according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.

God offers us His love, peace, joy, hope, and so much more. The older son, if he truly understood his father’s words, could forgive his brother and let go of the bitterness he felt. He could live, fully celebrated and fully loved, just as his forgiven brother could.

And so can you and I. Even when we don’t get what we want. Even when we have to deal with people and situations we don’t want to have to deal with. Even when the outcome does not say justice to us. Because God offers us everything we need for this sometimes-beautiful, sometimes-messy, sometimes-heartbreaking life.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence (2 Peter 1:3).

I love this quote from Author Vaneetha Rendall Risner:

To find hope through suffering, I cannot be tied to a specific outcome. My hope is not that my situation will turn out a certain way, or that God will give me exactly what I want, but rather that God will always do what’s best for me.

And Romans 8:28 assures us of this:  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Like the older son, you and I don’t have to get what we want or what we think we deserve in order to embrace abundant life. Things don’t always have to turn out exactly how we imagine they should. In short, we don’t have to WANT to in order to do what is excellent. 

We don’t have to love the outcome of every situation we have prayed about and labored over. We just have to trust in the One who really is over it all. Trust that He is working all things out for our good and for His glory. That His presence and His Words to us are more than enough to comfort, heal, teach, and grow us as we navigate this world.