It was supposed to be a simple errand. I had Kohl’s cash to spend, and I knew exactly what I wanted. By checking online, I also knew that the store closest to my house didn’t have the shirt I wanted in my size, but the Kohl’s in the other direction had one. So I made a special trip just to get that shirt.
Since it wasn’t my regular Kohl’s location, I had to walk around to figure out their layout and try to find the shirt I was seeking. And so I walked around the women’s department once, then twice.
In my travels, I passed a little girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs in anger (at her poor mother, I presume, who looked as haggard as we all felt having to listen to this child). I continued to search for the elusive shirt, following the little girl’s progress throughout the store by how close or how far her screams sounded to my ears. I said a quiet prayer for her mother and hoped she could catch some alone time later to decompress.
I was growing tired and frustrated, having not even found the brand of the shirt I was seeking. My legs were beginning to cramp up when I spotted the fitting rooms. These particular fitting rooms connect one side of the women’s department to the other, and I was hit with the inspiration to cut through the dressing rooms to check the other side (yet again).
Alas! It wasn’t meant to be. I encountered a group of paramedics talking with an elderly woman who had apparently just had a health scare but was feeling much better. I was grateful she was okay, but since I was unable to cut through, around the whole women’s department I went for a third time. (You know what they say about the third time, right?)
I tried to be optimistic, but I couldn’t spot a hint of the shirt that I now wanted desperately (funny how much more we want something when it appears we cannot have it). Rounding the corner, I decided this trip had been a waste of time and energy. I was ready to give up, to give in.
The exit doors were in my sight. As I walked toward them, I began looking forward to sinking into the driver’s seat of my car, and heading home to comfort and safety. It was then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted that exact green color of the shirt for which I had made this entire trip.
Eagerly, I reached for that color, and to my delight, I discovered the shirt that had been playing hide-and-seek all morning. There was just one of them in the whole store, and it was hung near the back of a random rack and hidden behind another rack of clothes. And it was in my size. I grabbed the shirt and marched to the checkout line in triumph. I had my trophy. I had hunted and conquered, and the spoils of victory were mine.
Now, I know that this was just one hour out of one very ordinary woman’s Monday morning. And what I was bringing home was just a shirt. It is all so very ordinary and unexciting. So why would I bother to write it all down and try to get someone else to read about it? Because it meant something to me – not just the reward of finding the treasure, but the journey itself.
A couple years ago, I blogged about some trials my then-middle-schooler was going through with kids at school. And how I agonized about it! I was completely heartbroken at how she was treated, and I felt so helpless as her mother. After all, I couldn’t rewind time and undo what had been done. I also knew that it was not my place to take vengeance on those who had hurt my child.
All I could do was listen to her, pray for her, and find comfort in the truth found in God’s Word that her suffering would not be in vain. We clung to the promise in Romans 5:3-5, which says, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
We also took comfort in the following verses from James and 1 Peter.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4).
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever (1 Peter 5:6-11).
Even at the time, we recognized that others – including the Christians to whom Peter was writing in this passage – have and are going through much, much worse suffering than we were. And they were/are suffering specifically for their Christian beliefs, whereas our suffering was just from sin in general. We did try to keep things in perspective, but also, we are human, and we were devastated over the unjust actions of others. We needed some time to grieve and lament the brokenness that is so prevalent in the world in general and in the much-much-smaller worlds we inhabit as well.
Just like in the silly shirt story I shared above, my daughter Kendall and I walked through her heartache and my anger over these events. Sometimes we walked in circles, examining each detail to see where it could have gone better, specific things we would have changed about it. We walked around and around. There were no shortcuts. We were exhausted and longed to find the reward for all of her travails.
Also like my frustrating shopping experience, we didn’t see the good for quite a while. We had even wondered if there would be good, after all. We trusted that there would be, but we didn’t see anything to encourage us to believe. Like me trudging ahead that morning in Kohl’s, Kendall and I have continued to walk ahead and believe that God saw and heard our prayers back then, and that He would use our pain for our ultimate good and His glory – one day.
This is why I held back happy-mama tears this week when Kendall was telling me how she encouraged a dear friend who felt disillusioned with some people at school. She said to me, “I told him, ‘You are in a heartbreak stage right now. You expected more out of these people, and when they didn’t live up to that, it broke your heart. I know. I went through that too.’”
She told me that they had a good conversation about having high expectations and how much it hurts when those expectations are dashed. But also how we grow in steadfastness and character as we trust in our faithful God. To hear Kendall say these things with conviction thrilled me because I believe it was just a taste of the treasures that God works within us when we live our lives submitted to Him.
When we trust Him, even when things aren’t going our way (or even going the right way, the fair way), He does – somehow – work even the bad things out for our good. And He is glorified when we are able to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received (2 Corinthians 1:4).
I share all of this to encourage those of us who are currently walking through hardships that have wearied us so. We’ve looked for answers and relief or possibly healing or rescue, only to feel abandoned. To use the ordinary illustration of my trip to Kohl’s, perhaps we won’t see answers or relief or help until our next walk around the store. Maybe our breakthrough isn’t going to come this time around. Or even the next few loops around the store.
Yes, it would be easier if we just found it right away. I don’t know all the reasons why we’re forced to go around and around and around and endure obstacle after obstacle in life, but hold on to hope! Hold on tightly, and don’t let go. For it’s possible that we’ll see our breakthrough peeking out from behind an unexpected place just as we’re ready to give up. And the reward will be worth the cost of the journey.
So true, and as always beautifully written.🥰
Thank you! ❤️