It’s been a lifelong struggle for me, this battle between icky spider and frightened girl. Growing up, my older sister Kelley was my hero. I would spot a spider, yell for Kelley, and in she would fly – minus the cape, but carrying some makeshift weapon (usually a shoe). And she, my dear, brave sister, would vanquish the offending spider.
I cannot tell you how many times as an adult I have texted Kelley a picture of a scary spider on a ceiling or wall in my house and told her how very much I miss living with her. Now, I have to kill my own spiders. This is not my favorite part of adulthood. Honestly, if my husband is at home, I will still yell for him to be my knight in shining armor and annihilate the creepy creatures.
But as you may have guessed, they usually reveal themselves when Matt is away. Far, far away. He has traveled to India on several occasions, and I have marveled at how that is usually the time the biggest and most odious spiders gather for a party at my house.
I try to be brave for my daughter. I want her to see her mother as a strong, capable woman, right? So I come to her rescue, quelling all sorts of creatures, from spiders to silverfish to these weird fuzzy bugs she especially hates. But one night, and if memory serves, it was a night where Matt was miles and miles and miles away in India, Kendall came upstairs and began shrieking that there was a spider with pinchers on one end, and it was hopping along the wall in the upstairs hallway.
So we had: 1) a spider, 2) it had pinchers, and 3) it hopped. A trifecta of villainy. I ran upstairs, paper towel in hand, prepared to swoop in and save the day. I had courage! I was up for the task! But I hesitated for a second too long. I saw the terror on my daughter’s face. I heard her squeals. I watched the spider with the pinchers hop along our walls.
And I was taken in by fear. I imagined how easily that spider could jump right onto my face, how it might feel creeping along my cheek or over my mouth. So when the spider did jump – seemingly toward Kendall and I – Kendall followed suit and jumped into my arms. I then jumped back as well, both of us humans screaming the whole way. Of course, I then smashed the spider and Kendall and I promptly collapsed on the floor in giggles as we realized how ridiculous we were to be so afraid of something so small and (most likely) harmless.
Believe it or not, I thought of our encounter with this jumpy spider with pinchers as I read Deuteronomy 20 recently.
Verse 1 says:
When you go out to war against your enemies, and see horses and chariots and an army larger than your own, you shall not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
So he’s saying that the Israelites, as they go to take over the land God has promised to them, will see horses and chariots and armies larger than their own. They will be frightened by what they see. What they see will overwhelm them. It will seem insurmountable.
But Moses tells them they are not to be afraid. Now, when someone tells you or me not to be afraid, that’s not always helpful, is it? It’s kinda like someone telling us to calm down when we’re upset. It’s not always that simple, right?
But Moses tells them that honestly, it is that simple. They are not to be afraid because they are counting on the same God who has proven Himself by bringing them up out of Egypt. He has proven Himself to be a caring, faithful, and capable God. So they are not to fear.
Verses 2-4 continue:
And when you draw near to the battle, the priest shall come forward and speak to the people and shall say to them, “Hear, O Israel, today you are drawing near for battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint. Do not fear or panic or be in dread of them, for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.”
I love how God knows us. He knows that our hearts faint within us. I blogged earlier about our hearts melting within us, also a phrase from Deuteronomy and Joshua as well. And we’ll see that phrase again in a moment. I just love this language because it captures so succinctly how we react to situations that seem hopeless or impossible or just plain frightening.
We are humans. We get scared. And I’ve used a silly example here of spiders, and I know many of you can relate to that. But of course, we are afraid of many, many things that are way more intimidating and serious than spiders. And what we can learn from Moses’ words to the Israelites all of these years ago is that you and I need not let our own hearts faint because God has proven Himself to be a caring, faithful, and capable God.
A dear friend encouraged me recently as I walked through a season of uncertainty that she was excited to see where God was going to lead me next because even though I had no clue where that would be, we could trust that it would be a good plan because He is a good God.
I love how the priest was to encourage the people in this. The priest was the one who was designated to come forward and lend courage to the people. The people would sometimes see only the might of their foes, but the priest was to remind them about their Almighty God.
This goes even further into chapter 4 of Deuteronomy. So Moses actually gives a few exemptions here of people who can just go home and who don’t have to fight. These include anyone who has just built a home and has not yet dedicated it, anyone who has planted a vineyard but not yet enjoyed the fruit, anyone who has gotten engaged, and one other group of people.
Listen to verse 8: And the officers shall speak further to the people, and say, “Is there any man who is fearful and fainthearted? Let him go back to his house, lest he make the heart of his fellows melt like his own.”
So how many of us would have used this out and said, “See ya!” I would think they would all be somewhat scared to go to battle. But this seems different than just being realistic about the perils of battle. This group of people is called fearful and fainthearted. They are dangerous to have around because this attitude can make its way into the hearts of the other men.
I would even take the liberty of going one step further and maybe add complaining to this. Sometimes we just get in complaining mode, and we just want to find fault with everyone and everything all of the time. And we don’t see anything wrong with that. After all, it’s how we really feel. We’re just being honest, right?
But our fearfulness, our faintheartedness, and our incessant complaining do affect others as well as ourselves. Our attitude – whether good or bad – seeps into the hearts of those closest to us. It creates an atmosphere in our small circles of influence. And Moses saw this as enough of a problem to actually send those who were fearful and fainthearted home. He’d rather go into battle with less men as his soldiers than to have lots of men who were faint of heart.
This is serious business. And it’s why I constantly repeat Psalm 61:1-2 to myself, which says, Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Years ago, I bought a small canvas for my office, and it had a fun design on it, along with the words “Hello Courage!” It was so small and so simple, but it reminded me that I can say “Hello” to fear. I can let it in. I can spend time with it, let myself roll around in it until it engulfs me and causes my heart to grow faint. Or I can take courage. I can take it in by calling on God, the rock that is higher than I.
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