In the valley of unknowns

The lingering scent of eggs in the morning, fragrant bacon-capers-and-feta tortillas for lunch, a dish including sautéed garlic and steamed broccoli for dinner. And don’t forget the burned popcorn for an afternoon snack! One of the more unexpected consequences of this past year of work-at-home, school-at-home has – for our little family of three, at least – been the constant variety of smells (not to mention the ever-in-use kitchen).

So for my birthday this year, I decided to take my daughter shopping to pick out  scented lotions so that something in the house can smell good throughout our crazy Covid cabin-fever days.

One Friday, after schoolwork was done and we were ready to begin a fun girls’ night, Kendall and I headed out to indulge our olfactory senses. Donning our masks, we stepped into the store and were accosted by enthusiastic employees wielding spray hand sanitizer before we even made it fully inside the door. 

Undeterred by this unexpected onslaught, we continued in our mission, sniffing every scent we could get our hands on. There was only one problem:  the smells didn’t make it through our masks. We spritzed the body sprays on those little cards sitting around for such a purpose, but when we put the drenched cards up to our noses, we smelled nothing through our masks.

The scents, normally so strong that they irritate my husband when sprayed in close spaces (like in the car with the windows rolled up), were hidden or greatly distorted through our masks. The luxury of indulging in lovely smells was a bit lost. Masked. Like so many occasions and milestones from this past year – from graduations to field trips to summer outings with friends to holidays. 

Yes, we have found joy. We have held out hope – especially those of us who know about the hope we have in Christ, regardless of our present circumstances. But so many of the experiences we normally look forward to and bask in have been masked this past year and still are to some degree right now. We all know this. We are all living this. 

I found some encouragement regarding our current circumstances in Matthew 17:1-8: 

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 

There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.

Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters – one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”

When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified.But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” 

When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus.

I have always laughed out loud at Peter’s response to seeing this indescribable event. I cannot even imagine how I would have reacted in his sandals, but I have always found such humor in his offer to build tents or shelters for Jesus, Moses, and Elijah. 

However, this time around, when I read these verses, I wondered if Peter is just trying to make sense of what is happening. He has just seen Jesus transfigured. Perhaps Peter, struggling to explain the inexplicable, wants more time with Jesus, Moses and Elijah. He needs more time to unpack what is happening, to allow his mind to process something so grand.

This is where I have found myself this past year and even today. I long to make sense of all that has happened. Why have we had one trauma right after another? One heartbreak following another? One big event piggybacking on another, creating one long thread of hardship and hurt? And yes, when will all seem right again?

My mind – and even more troublesome, my heart – struggles to find places to put it all, ways to grasp it. To try, perhaps like Peter, to make sense of it all. But what speaks to me through this passage of Scripture is that Peter doesn’t necessarily get an explanation in the way he would like one (that we know of, at least). 

True, God literally speaks, which is also a mind-blowing event, but the only explanation He gives is that Jesus is His Son. This is an amazing encounter, but again, more for Peter to have to process or to try to understand. And we read that Peter, along with James and John, falls to the ground, terrified. 

Jesus touches them and tells them to get up and not to be afraid. And verse 8 tells us, When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. One could argue that this verse merely means that Moses and Elijah were gone. Only Jesus remained with the three disciples. And that is correct. 

However, it means more than that to me. This season has been the most uncertain one many of us have lived through. Everywhere we turn, the media wants to tell us what’s going on. Everyone has an opinion, and it’s hard to know who is right sometimes. It’s difficult to distinguish between truth and bias. People don’t like the unknown. We get anxious. We get fearful. We get mean. 

It takes real discipline to keep our focus on the truth of God’s Word with so many other (loud, demanding) voices floating around us at almost all times. But I think that in this passage, Jesus knows that this whole experience has been too much for Peter, James, and John to comprehend. Of all the things Jesus could have said to them, He chooses to tell them to get up and not to be afraid. And when they looked up, they saw Him. 

In case you are wondering how Kendall and I made it out of our aforementioned quandary, we ended up choosing scents we have purchased in the past and enjoyed. We knew that when we got them home and were able to take a big, unencumbered whiff, we would not be disappointed because we had used them before. We knew what to expect. We knew we could trust these particular scents. 

In my life, this has made a difference. This choosing to concentrate on what I do know according to Scripture as opposed to what I do not know about what is going on in the world. This being able to dwell amongst what to me is unknown because I trust in the One who knows it all. In the valley of unknowns, what makes a difference is having Someone to follow who does know. And what I do know is that I can trust Him. So, dear reader, can you. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).