Beginnings

If you had asked the five-year-old version of me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have answered, without hesitation:  “A wife, mother, and author.” As far back as I can remember, being a mom one day was this glittering, shimmering bigger-than-life dream of mine.

So you can imagine my excitement when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Registering for baby items, picking out a name, decorating the nursery – I was living my dream. I cared about every single article of clothing she would wear, every single book on her bookshelves, every single toy that filled her toy bins. I obsessed over pacifiers (ends up, she preferred her thumb), teething toys, sippy cups, burp cloths, and of course, clothes and baby shoes. 

My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed planning every detail of her nursery. He painted a fun pattern on her walls. We picked out our favorite crib, changing table, glider and ottoman, and wardrobe, along with all of the pictures that would grace the walls. Friends, family, and coworkers gifted us with hand-made quilts and blankets, a pack-n-play, a stroller system, a high chair, a swing, and various other baby items that everyone says you have to buy when you’re expecting a baby.

Once she arrived, I couldn’t wait to take her home from the hospital and show her all that we had prepared for her. I carried her into the house for the first time and immediately began a show-and-tell session:  

“Here is the swing you get to sit in and enjoy. Look at the cute mobile and listen to these soothing melodies it plays.” I placed her in the swing.

“Look at the pack-n-play you can take naps in when we’re downstairs.” I placed her in the pack-n-play. 

She began to fuss, poor little thing, unused to so much action. My husband gently suggested that I wait to show her the rest of all of the goodness we had planned for her, and I agreed that I should practice some self-discipline and impulse control and let her ease into the comforts of home. (Overzealous new mom, much?)

But I was just so excited to finally have a baby in the first place, and then to know she was her own little person with her own personality and her special place in this world – and I had the privilege of loving her and caring for her and teaching her and watching her grow. It was all too beautiful, too wondrous for my heart to contain. I was just buzzing with anticipation. I had so much to share with this three-day-old baby!

My memories of my daughter’s beginnings are such sweet ones for me – the hopes, dreams, plans and preparations. And really, the care that we took in all of these preparations because even though we had yet to meet our daughter, we already loved her.

I think often, new beginnings are that way. In the book of Genesis, we read about the creation of the world. In chapter 1, we can see some repetition that gives us the picture of a God who desperately cares for His creation, so much so that He provides good things for us to enjoy – beyond what we merely need to survive. 

First, in describing the days of creation, we see the following phrase repeated six (for each day of creation) times in the first chapter of Genesis:  there was evening and there was morning, the first [second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth] day (vs. 5, 8, 13, 19, 23, 31).

To me, this suggests such order, a real intentionality to what God is doing here as Creator. He’s not just creating objects arbitrarily, just because He can. No, He has planned out what He is going to do, and He has done so with careful thought to what is best for His creation.

The second phrase we see repeated here, also repeated six times, is:  And God saw that it was good (vs. 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). He looked around at what He had done each day, and He declared it to be good. 

We understand, on a very small scale, what this feels like. We work hard, whether at a job or at home or maybe at a personal goal, and we step back after a certain point in order to survey what we’ve accomplished. And when we can actually see the progress we’ve made, it brings us joy. What we have done is good. 

The picture of God as Creator here is one of a parent who delights in providing good things for His children. Verses 29-30 tell us:  And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.”

I love that God provides good beginnings, whether we’re talking about the beginning of all creation or the much-smaller-but-still-important new chapters that we begin in our own lives. I am currently in such a season in my life, a “hallway season.” For the past six years, I’ve known what I was called to do and have done it with my whole heart. 

Yet I felt a stirring this past year, God calling me out of that particular role. It was a good role for me. It fit well. I could look back over my work there at the end of each week and declare that – by God’s grace and through His strength (not my own!) – it was good. But then it was time for me to step out of that place, to go back through that door and wait in the hallway. 

The hallway is really not anyone’s favorite place, or at least it’s not mine. It’s a place of waiting, a place of “not knowing.” And for those of us who like to plan and prepare, the “not knowing” can be difficult. See, you and I cannot always plan out our new beginnings. We can prepare for a new job or a new baby or a new home, but we don’t always get to plan for new beginnings. Sometimes our job is to merely to wait and to trust that God has always been the Planner of beginnings, and as such, we can trust Him with all of the new chapters and seasons and beginnings of our lives. 

I love how Genesis chapter 1 ends:  And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. To me, this is such a lovely way to end this chapter because it reminds us that the God who orchestrated these amazing acts of creation saw what He had made, declared that it was good, and did all of these in an orderly fashion (there was evening and there was morning). 

This helps those of us Type-A personalities to see that God does have it all under control (and doesn’t really need us to tell Him what to do). Even when we are stuck in the hallway, waiting for the next door to open, even when we don’t know where He is leading. It’s okay because He knows. I don’t have to know it all, as long as I know the One who knows it all. And know it all, He does.

I love Psalm 139 in any version, but here it is in The Message:

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.

I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.

You know when I leave and when I get back;  I’m never out of your sight.

You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence.

I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too – your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful – I can’t take it all in!